Everyone keeps tellin' me it weren't my fault. Dunno if it's because they think I'm stupid and can't think for meself, or 'cause this place really does mess people up all the time. But...
[How can he articulate this? Even with Fidelio, it felt nigh impossible to talk about.]
...Part of me was thinkin'. I enjoyed it. Felt good crushin' someone weaker than me, even if that someone was a friend.
[ She picks up her phone, regarding him for a moment, and draws herself back into the bed, blankets, and what the average person would probably deem way, way too many pillows. It's barely a whorl and she settles quickly enough, holding the camera proper.
Nah, not even. Not to me. Felt as natural as breathin'.
[He wishes he could find it scary, but in truth, Fidelio's right. He really does have so much blood on his hands, and he just never had to confront it until it was pointed at a friend rather than an enemy, when he wasn't just doing whatever Louis told him to.]
That's the scary part. Better you don't get any more involved with a fucked up bastard like me than you already have.
First of all, you don't get to make that decision for me. It's mine and I'll get involved with whoever the hell I like however the hell much I like and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it, so you might as well make you're peace about bein' stuck with me 'cause you are.
It's not up for debate.
Secondly, I can't say I like you talking about my friend like that! And hey, maybe I like hanging out with "fucked up" guys! You don't know!! Maybe I'm a little fucked up myself.
You got a complaint? Direct it to the nearest trash can.
[His ears shoot up, and his fur looks like it could practically be standing on end. Once again, he didn't expect that kind of response, and once again she manages to surprise him. Even after everything, he has a feeling she's telling the truth, which is the weirdest part of this of all.
Enjoy the sight of him just blinking at the Oracle, momentarily rendered speechless. ??????]
[ That's... not much of a secret, now is it? It's kind of just there in the open, hanging between them, and she, uh... she doesn't have a script for that. ]
Well, you're... important to me, so. I mean, is it that weird? I never claimed to be normal, you know, and how'm I supposed to rest when you're blaming yourself and beating yourself up?
You haven't really talked to anyone about it, have you?
[He talks to him about everything... though maybe not all of it, in this particular case. Even so, there's a lot of personal history bound up in his feelings that Nao just wouldn't understand, he thinks.]
Look, I... don't know what I did that makes me so important to ya, despite it all. But I don't want you strugglin' all on your own. Just can't guarantee that if you fall in with us for the long haul, we won't cause ya more grief.
[ It's probably odd, she thinks. A lot has happened in such a short period of time and she's done a lot of thinking, feeling, sorting in her waking moments. There are so many things she's unsure about, but she is sure about this. ]
I'd rather fall in with you guys than anybody else I've met here. Grief's part of life, but you know... I don't know if you remember, Bas, but you fought whatever it was you met in that fissure. You struggled against it then and you're struggling now. Regardless of how it felt, you wouldn't willingly cause your friends or family grief. It's like that, see? I don't want that for you either.
... [He's quiet, mulling that over. He does remember, but it does feel like a failure of strength of will to not be able to overcome it longer than giving Nao a running start. Louis would call it a failure, too, either for failing to resist his baser impulses, or for not finishing the job.
But time and again, the people he meets remind him that not everyone thinks like Louis. Nao, it seems, is one of those people, and that feels like an important thing to hold onto, not push away, like Fidelio has tried to.]
You're still at that healin' place, yeah? They still treatin' you right, or d'you need me to come get you?
Right. [That's good, at least, that she was well enough to head home. Better that than being at the mercy of townspeople with their new grudge, he thinks. Nasty things come when one person is used as a scapegoat for a whole group's frustrations.]
[ He can. Is she up for it? Well... yeah, actually, she thinks. She'd wanted to see him in person to begin with and while her reasons for settling for using the Oracle to start were sound, that hasn't changed. And she'd said it herself! They'll work through it. She can't tell him not to tuck tail and then do just that in the next breath and what's more is... she doesn't want to. ]
Yeah. Gimme a sec to see if I've got something around here that isn't a tent to wear.
[ And a place to stash her bag of bloodied clothes they won't possibly stumble upon it. She's getting up. ]
[Either out of courtesy, or nerves, or a little of both, it takes him half an hour to head over to her place in the end, offering a tentative knock at the door. Talking over those Oracles is one thing, but it won't really feel real until he sees her in person.]
[ In person is different than over the network. Nao has been getting more and more of a sense about that since finding herself in Visium and interacting with the people in it. It's especially true now, nibbling rapidly at her already gently vibrating nerves like a rabbit at a carrot as she quickly, quietly slides across the cold hardwood floor toward the front door. Stockings are great for that kind of thing and her black ones were mercifully spared the bloodshed.
It's a good thing, too, because she hadn't looked at socks or anything like that when she'd been in the market. (Had she even seen any?) She'd grabbed a few simple garments to get by. At least one of them fits alright and that's what she's wearing: a simple, long-sleeved green tunic-like thing better matched with some sort of thick jacket in weather like this, but here and now, that doesn't register as a concern.
A little hop and her feet find the rug in front of the door, atop which she settles in front of it. She takes a small breath, reaches for the handle, and -- oh, she knows exactly what she's going to say -- opens the door only to freeze. The breath she just took locks in her lungs at the sight of Basilio on her doorstep, but she doesn't move. Doesn't dart or slam the door in his face.
No, she peers into his face and meets those striking red eyes of his with her own. She's looking for something, his answer to her very important question. ]
[Basilio had taken a step back from the door after knocking, conscious that his large frame looming in the doorway might be a sight terrifying, or at least startling, to open up to. He's still not prepared for when she opens the door, though, ears pricked as his eyes give her a once-over, lingering to that arm under her jacket, then back to her face, almost desperate in its urgency until he has visual confirmation. She looks fine, just like she said. Physically, at least.
He's not prepared for the searching look she's giving him when their eyes meet, but he refuses to give into shame and look away. He's many things, but a coward isn't one of them. He came here to face up her -- to all of it. So he stands, holding his nerve against any remaining twinges of fear, as he gives her the time to find what she's looking for.]
[ Nao searches his eyes for what would seem to her like a long moment were she focused on the matter of time. Too long, and by more than a couple of excusable beats. She's normally quicker than a snap or a blink and quicker than that to recover in instances where she lingers one or two beats. If anything, she should be much, much quicker because as open and exposed as he is in her eyes in this moment, so is she, but she doesn't snap back. She doesn't play it off.
She looks and she searches and it doesn't take her long to find what she's looking for, to feel it. She does. It's louder than the pang at her left arm, a hammer she takes to fear's grubby, grasping claws. The tension visibly melts from her shoulders and she reaches to take his hand, tug him inside and out of that cold, bleak darkness. ]
You know Fidelio'll never let me hear the end of it if you catch a cold on my door.
[ She says it so seriously despite a teasing lilt. Was that what she meant to say? Well, she said it, so... ]
Eh?! [She's already taking his hand and tugging him in before he can process what happened, what she'd even found. He follows after her and into the house obediently, albeit with a token protestation:] I'm not some shiverin' pup, y'know! I can handle a bit of chill!
[He'd blurted it out without thinking, but quickly bites his tongue before he says anything else, looking a little mortified as he mentally fumbles through what to say instead. He had been hoping to be a little more -- deferential? Respectful? And here he was, trying to squabble with her like nothing was amiss between them.]
I mean-- ah, dammit--
[Help. This definitely wasn't how he had planned for this to go.]
[ In, in, in they go to the living area after the door is audibly shut behind them. Nevermind soundly. Basilio may not be shivering, but Nao has re-realized what "cold" and "chill" are and that the two like to hang out and assault warm bodies near doors and windows. That is exactly why she is making a beeline for her blanket fort, a new and permanent fixture situated a safe, but comfortable distance by the fireplace in the living room.
There's chairs here and there if he'd prefer. There's still some construction to do before it's done-done and decorating before she's happy with, it but Nao is planning on taking advantage of the many, many blankets inside the fort proper in short order. ]
Wouldn't surprise me if we had blisterin' sunshine tomorrow, the way the weather's goin'... [He takes off his shoes on the way in before he trails melting snow across the house, then follows her inside, looking around. No surprise she hasn't had a chance to finish up the house yet, but he's relieved to see she's living in relative comfort, all the same.]
--'Ey, me an' Del used to make those when we were younger! [Basilio says, tail wagging a little in recognition when he spots the blanket fort. Though in their case, calling it a fort might have been a little generous, when it was more built from the scraps and rags they could scrounge up. He feels like he's a little too big to squeeze in there with her and would take up way too much room, so he settles for a chair closest to the fire.] Felt like a right proper den, when we managed a good 'un.
[ A den is what she's going for kinda sorta. This blanket fort is a little different than the sort she'd build for herself at her place in Tokyo. For one thing, it's her first blanket fort in a space that's hers where she'll entertain company and she'd decided almost immediately that having the option to entertain company in her blanket fort was a necessity. That it's a work in progress seems that much clearer to Nao as she drops onto her hands and knees and scurries back inside, considering Basilio's frame along the way.
As it is, the fort is much too small to fit Bas and Fidelio and Will and C4 and herself, not to mention some of the things she'd like to keep or might leave inside it sometimes.
There's actually a few things visible here and there. A few books she'd checked out from the library, a couple of the golden cuff bracelets the visitors had left behind, a flask she'd picked up in the market before things went to hell, some parchment. There's even a glass jar filled with water and baubles resting atop one of the chairs next to Basilio.
Inside those baubles, there are memories at play. Right now, there's a girl with one amber-gold eye, one onyx-colored eye, and a slightly higher bob complementary a clean princess cut and much, much longer, free-flowing hair hair peeking over a counter at what appears to be some sort of fish-shaped pastry. ]
You're never too old for a good blanket fort. You guys should build one sometime! Or you can help me with this one. It's too small for company right now, see.
[As Basilio settles to sit down, he's distracted by the baubles, so much so that when he's spoken to, he's not especially subtle when he looks up with an absent--] Help ya?
[Ah, he gets it. He drags his attention away from the memory (what is that pastry?) and fully to her.]
You mean making it bigger? You got enough blankets for all that?
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--You don't gotta accept nothin', but you shouldn't pretend like I'm blameless in all this. You barely know me or what I'm about, yeah?
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I'm not pretending! After something like that, why would I?
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[How can he articulate this? Even with Fidelio, it felt nigh impossible to talk about.]
...Part of me was thinkin'. I enjoyed it. Felt good crushin' someone weaker than me, even if that someone was a friend.
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She's quiet for a moment. ]
It's scary, isn't it?
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[He wishes he could find it scary, but in truth, Fidelio's right. He really does have so much blood on his hands, and he just never had to confront it until it was pointed at a friend rather than an enemy, when he wasn't just doing whatever Louis told him to.]
That's the scary part. Better you don't get any more involved with a fucked up bastard like me than you already have.
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First of all, you don't get to make that decision for me. It's mine and I'll get involved with whoever the hell I like however the hell much I like and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it, so you might as well make you're peace about bein' stuck with me 'cause you are.
It's not up for debate.
Secondly, I can't say I like you talking about my friend like that! And hey, maybe I like hanging out with "fucked up" guys! You don't know!! Maybe I'm a little fucked up myself.
You got a complaint? Direct it to the nearest trash can.
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Enjoy the sight of him just blinking at the Oracle, momentarily rendered speechless. ??????]
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...I really don't get it. You should just focus on restin' up and healin, but you really give that much of a damn.
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Well, you're... important to me, so. I mean, is it that weird? I never claimed to be normal, you know, and how'm I supposed to rest when you're blaming yourself and beating yourself up?
You haven't really talked to anyone about it, have you?
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[He talks to him about everything... though maybe not all of it, in this particular case. Even so, there's a lot of personal history bound up in his feelings that Nao just wouldn't understand, he thinks.]
Look, I... don't know what I did that makes me so important to ya, despite it all. But I don't want you strugglin' all on your own. Just can't guarantee that if you fall in with us for the long haul, we won't cause ya more grief.
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[ It's probably odd, she thinks. A lot has happened in such a short period of time and she's done a lot of thinking, feeling, sorting in her waking moments. There are so many things she's unsure about, but she is sure about this. ]
I'd rather fall in with you guys than anybody else I've met here. Grief's part of life, but you know... I don't know if you remember, Bas, but you fought whatever it was you met in that fissure. You struggled against it then and you're struggling now. Regardless of how it felt, you wouldn't willingly cause your friends or family grief. It's like that, see? I don't want that for you either.
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But time and again, the people he meets remind him that not everyone thinks like Louis. Nao, it seems, is one of those people, and that feels like an important thing to hold onto, not push away, like Fidelio has tried to.]
You're still at that healin' place, yeah? They still treatin' you right, or d'you need me to come get you?
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[ -- and finally allowing herself to sink back into her nest of pillows and blankets. ]
The work was done and I figured they might need the bed for someone who needed more than a little sleep, y'know?
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Can I come see ya?
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Yeah. Gimme a sec to see if I've got something around here that isn't a tent to wear.
[ And a place to stash her bag of bloodied clothes they won't possibly stumble upon it. She's getting up. ]
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[Either out of courtesy, or nerves, or a little of both, it takes him half an hour to head over to her place in the end, offering a tentative knock at the door. Talking over those Oracles is one thing, but it won't really feel real until he sees her in person.]
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It's a good thing, too, because she hadn't looked at socks or anything like that when she'd been in the market. (Had she even seen any?) She'd grabbed a few simple garments to get by. At least one of them fits alright and that's what she's wearing: a simple, long-sleeved green tunic-like thing better matched with some sort of thick jacket in weather like this, but here and now, that doesn't register as a concern.
A little hop and her feet find the rug in front of the door, atop which she settles in front of it. She takes a small breath, reaches for the handle, and -- oh, she knows exactly what she's going to say -- opens the door only to freeze. The breath she just took locks in her lungs at the sight of Basilio on her doorstep, but she doesn't move. Doesn't dart or slam the door in his face.
No, she peers into his face and meets those striking red eyes of his with her own. She's looking for something, his answer to her very important question. ]
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He's not prepared for the searching look she's giving him when their eyes meet, but he refuses to give into shame and look away. He's many things, but a coward isn't one of them. He came here to face up her -- to all of it. So he stands, holding his nerve against any remaining twinges of fear, as he gives her the time to find what she's looking for.]
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She looks and she searches and it doesn't take her long to find what she's looking for, to feel it. She does. It's louder than the pang at her left arm, a hammer she takes to fear's grubby, grasping claws. The tension visibly melts from her shoulders and she reaches to take his hand, tug him inside and out of that cold, bleak darkness. ]
You know Fidelio'll never let me hear the end of it if you catch a cold on my door.
[ She says it so seriously despite a teasing lilt. Was that what she meant to say? Well, she said it, so... ]
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[He'd blurted it out without thinking, but quickly bites his tongue before he says anything else, looking a little mortified as he mentally fumbles through what to say instead. He had been hoping to be a little more -- deferential? Respectful? And here he was, trying to squabble with her like nothing was amiss between them.]
I mean-- ah, dammit--
[Help. This definitely wasn't how he had planned for this to go.]
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[ In, in, in they go to the living area after the door is audibly shut behind them. Nevermind soundly. Basilio may not be shivering, but Nao has re-realized what "cold" and "chill" are and that the two like to hang out and assault warm bodies near doors and windows. That is exactly why she is making a beeline for her blanket fort, a new and permanent fixture situated a safe, but comfortable distance by the fireplace in the living room.
There's chairs here and there if he'd prefer. There's still some construction to do before it's done-done and decorating before she's happy with, it but Nao is planning on taking advantage of the many, many blankets inside the fort proper in short order. ]
It's not even s'pposed to snow in December!!
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--'Ey, me an' Del used to make those when we were younger! [Basilio says, tail wagging a little in recognition when he spots the blanket fort. Though in their case, calling it a fort might have been a little generous, when it was more built from the scraps and rags they could scrounge up. He feels like he's a little too big to squeeze in there with her and would take up way too much room, so he settles for a chair closest to the fire.] Felt like a right proper den, when we managed a good 'un.
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[ A den is what she's going for kinda sorta. This blanket fort is a little different than the sort she'd build for herself at her place in Tokyo. For one thing, it's her first blanket fort in a space that's hers where she'll entertain company and she'd decided almost immediately that having the option to entertain company in her blanket fort was a necessity. That it's a work in progress seems that much clearer to Nao as she drops onto her hands and knees and scurries back inside, considering Basilio's frame along the way.
As it is, the fort is much too small to fit Bas and Fidelio and Will and C4 and herself, not to mention some of the things she'd like to keep or might leave inside it sometimes.
There's actually a few things visible here and there. A few books she'd checked out from the library, a couple of the golden cuff bracelets the visitors had left behind, a flask she'd picked up in the market before things went to hell, some parchment. There's even a glass jar filled with water and baubles resting atop one of the chairs next to Basilio.
Inside those baubles, there are memories at play. Right now, there's a girl with one amber-gold eye, one onyx-colored eye, and a slightly higher bob complementary a clean princess cut and much, much longer, free-flowing hair hair peeking over a counter at what appears to be some sort of fish-shaped pastry. ]
You're never too old for a good blanket fort. You guys should build one sometime! Or you can help me with this one. It's too small for company right now, see.
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[Ah, he gets it. He drags his attention away from the memory (what is that pastry?) and fully to her.]
You mean making it bigger? You got enough blankets for all that?
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