Huh?! [He sits up so fast he gets tangled, and there's a frantic few seconds of motion blur as he loses his phone in the blankets, wrestles them off him, and shakes his head to make his unruly mane of hair look a little less... bedhead. She may or may not have witnessed that last part by the time he picks the Oracle up again.]
[ Nao can't quite help a slightly bigger than little laugh as she speaks. Okay. Maybe two or three little laughs, too. She couldn't quite keep them to little snorts once she realized what was happening, especially that headshake, the bedhead.
[He feels a jolt of shock when she laughs; he'd expected shouting, admonishment, maybe even crying, but here she's laughing at him like things are almost normal. His ears twitch.]
N-nah, it's fine. But what about you? You're... all right?
[ The many, usual variations of, "I'm fine," sit locked and loaded on the tip of Nao's tongue, but she doesn't pull the trigger, doesn't fire where she normally would without a second thought. ]
I'm working on it.
[ She does take the opportunity to waggle the fingers of both hands at him as if to say, "See? Both!" She's not going to lift her left sleeve, though. ]
The people at the Healer's Conclave did a pretty good job. What about you?
--Your arm?! Saint Rella herself couldn't have done a finer job!
[He looks astounded, having already written it off as a likely lost cause. This was already better than he'd dared to hope, not that he had any right to expect anything, when he was the one who...
What should he say? How should he say it? He rubs the back of his neck and looks away, ashamed.]
Everyone keeps tellin' me it weren't my fault. Dunno if it's because they think I'm stupid and can't think for meself, or 'cause this place really does mess people up all the time. But...
[How can he articulate this? Even with Fidelio, it felt nigh impossible to talk about.]
...Part of me was thinkin'. I enjoyed it. Felt good crushin' someone weaker than me, even if that someone was a friend.
[ She picks up her phone, regarding him for a moment, and draws herself back into the bed, blankets, and what the average person would probably deem way, way too many pillows. It's barely a whorl and she settles quickly enough, holding the camera proper.
Nah, not even. Not to me. Felt as natural as breathin'.
[He wishes he could find it scary, but in truth, Fidelio's right. He really does have so much blood on his hands, and he just never had to confront it until it was pointed at a friend rather than an enemy, when he wasn't just doing whatever Louis told him to.]
That's the scary part. Better you don't get any more involved with a fucked up bastard like me than you already have.
First of all, you don't get to make that decision for me. It's mine and I'll get involved with whoever the hell I like however the hell much I like and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it, so you might as well make you're peace about bein' stuck with me 'cause you are.
It's not up for debate.
Secondly, I can't say I like you talking about my friend like that! And hey, maybe I like hanging out with "fucked up" guys! You don't know!! Maybe I'm a little fucked up myself.
You got a complaint? Direct it to the nearest trash can.
[His ears shoot up, and his fur looks like it could practically be standing on end. Once again, he didn't expect that kind of response, and once again she manages to surprise him. Even after everything, he has a feeling she's telling the truth, which is the weirdest part of this of all.
Enjoy the sight of him just blinking at the Oracle, momentarily rendered speechless. ??????]
[ That's... not much of a secret, now is it? It's kind of just there in the open, hanging between them, and she, uh... she doesn't have a script for that. ]
Well, you're... important to me, so. I mean, is it that weird? I never claimed to be normal, you know, and how'm I supposed to rest when you're blaming yourself and beating yourself up?
You haven't really talked to anyone about it, have you?
[He talks to him about everything... though maybe not all of it, in this particular case. Even so, there's a lot of personal history bound up in his feelings that Nao just wouldn't understand, he thinks.]
Look, I... don't know what I did that makes me so important to ya, despite it all. But I don't want you strugglin' all on your own. Just can't guarantee that if you fall in with us for the long haul, we won't cause ya more grief.
[ It's probably odd, she thinks. A lot has happened in such a short period of time and she's done a lot of thinking, feeling, sorting in her waking moments. There are so many things she's unsure about, but she is sure about this. ]
I'd rather fall in with you guys than anybody else I've met here. Grief's part of life, but you know... I don't know if you remember, Bas, but you fought whatever it was you met in that fissure. You struggled against it then and you're struggling now. Regardless of how it felt, you wouldn't willingly cause your friends or family grief. It's like that, see? I don't want that for you either.
... [He's quiet, mulling that over. He does remember, but it does feel like a failure of strength of will to not be able to overcome it longer than giving Nao a running start. Louis would call it a failure, too, either for failing to resist his baser impulses, or for not finishing the job.
But time and again, the people he meets remind him that not everyone thinks like Louis. Nao, it seems, is one of those people, and that feels like an important thing to hold onto, not push away, like Fidelio has tried to.]
You're still at that healin' place, yeah? They still treatin' you right, or d'you need me to come get you?
Right. [That's good, at least, that she was well enough to head home. Better that than being at the mercy of townspeople with their new grudge, he thinks. Nasty things come when one person is used as a scapegoat for a whole group's frustrations.]
[ He can. Is she up for it? Well... yeah, actually, she thinks. She'd wanted to see him in person to begin with and while her reasons for settling for using the Oracle to start were sound, that hasn't changed. And she'd said it herself! They'll work through it. She can't tell him not to tuck tail and then do just that in the next breath and what's more is... she doesn't want to. ]
Yeah. Gimme a sec to see if I've got something around here that isn't a tent to wear.
[ And a place to stash her bag of bloodied clothes they won't possibly stumble upon it. She's getting up. ]
[Either out of courtesy, or nerves, or a little of both, it takes him half an hour to head over to her place in the end, offering a tentative knock at the door. Talking over those Oracles is one thing, but it won't really feel real until he sees her in person.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
--That you, Nao?
no subject
[ Nao can't quite help a slightly bigger than little laugh as she speaks. Okay. Maybe two or three little laughs, too. She couldn't quite keep them to little snorts once she realized what was happening, especially that headshake, the bedhead.
That's... yeah, the Bas she knows. ]
Sorry. Did I wake you?
no subject
N-nah, it's fine. But what about you? You're... all right?
no subject
I'm working on it.
[ She does take the opportunity to waggle the fingers of both hands at him as if to say, "See? Both!" She's not going to lift her left sleeve, though. ]
The people at the Healer's Conclave did a pretty good job. What about you?
no subject
[He looks astounded, having already written it off as a likely lost cause. This was already better than he'd dared to hope, not that he had any right to expect anything, when he was the one who...
What should he say? How should he say it? He rubs the back of his neck and looks away, ashamed.]
Nao, I'm -- I'm really sorry. I truly am.
no subject
no subject
no subject
It wasn't your fault, so I can't accept your apology.
no subject
--You don't gotta accept nothin', but you shouldn't pretend like I'm blameless in all this. You barely know me or what I'm about, yeah?
no subject
I'm not pretending! After something like that, why would I?
no subject
[How can he articulate this? Even with Fidelio, it felt nigh impossible to talk about.]
...Part of me was thinkin'. I enjoyed it. Felt good crushin' someone weaker than me, even if that someone was a friend.
no subject
She's quiet for a moment. ]
It's scary, isn't it?
no subject
[He wishes he could find it scary, but in truth, Fidelio's right. He really does have so much blood on his hands, and he just never had to confront it until it was pointed at a friend rather than an enemy, when he wasn't just doing whatever Louis told him to.]
That's the scary part. Better you don't get any more involved with a fucked up bastard like me than you already have.
no subject
First of all, you don't get to make that decision for me. It's mine and I'll get involved with whoever the hell I like however the hell much I like and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it, so you might as well make you're peace about bein' stuck with me 'cause you are.
It's not up for debate.
Secondly, I can't say I like you talking about my friend like that! And hey, maybe I like hanging out with "fucked up" guys! You don't know!! Maybe I'm a little fucked up myself.
You got a complaint? Direct it to the nearest trash can.
no subject
Enjoy the sight of him just blinking at the Oracle, momentarily rendered speechless. ??????]
no subject
no subject
...I really don't get it. You should just focus on restin' up and healin, but you really give that much of a damn.
no subject
Well, you're... important to me, so. I mean, is it that weird? I never claimed to be normal, you know, and how'm I supposed to rest when you're blaming yourself and beating yourself up?
You haven't really talked to anyone about it, have you?
no subject
[He talks to him about everything... though maybe not all of it, in this particular case. Even so, there's a lot of personal history bound up in his feelings that Nao just wouldn't understand, he thinks.]
Look, I... don't know what I did that makes me so important to ya, despite it all. But I don't want you strugglin' all on your own. Just can't guarantee that if you fall in with us for the long haul, we won't cause ya more grief.
no subject
[ It's probably odd, she thinks. A lot has happened in such a short period of time and she's done a lot of thinking, feeling, sorting in her waking moments. There are so many things she's unsure about, but she is sure about this. ]
I'd rather fall in with you guys than anybody else I've met here. Grief's part of life, but you know... I don't know if you remember, Bas, but you fought whatever it was you met in that fissure. You struggled against it then and you're struggling now. Regardless of how it felt, you wouldn't willingly cause your friends or family grief. It's like that, see? I don't want that for you either.
no subject
But time and again, the people he meets remind him that not everyone thinks like Louis. Nao, it seems, is one of those people, and that feels like an important thing to hold onto, not push away, like Fidelio has tried to.]
You're still at that healin' place, yeah? They still treatin' you right, or d'you need me to come get you?
no subject
[ -- and finally allowing herself to sink back into her nest of pillows and blankets. ]
The work was done and I figured they might need the bed for someone who needed more than a little sleep, y'know?
no subject
Can I come see ya?
no subject
Yeah. Gimme a sec to see if I've got something around here that isn't a tent to wear.
[ And a place to stash her bag of bloodied clothes they won't possibly stumble upon it. She's getting up. ]
no subject
[Either out of courtesy, or nerves, or a little of both, it takes him half an hour to head over to her place in the end, offering a tentative knock at the door. Talking over those Oracles is one thing, but it won't really feel real until he sees her in person.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)